merry, happy, habari!

this summer for the first time since i was a child i did not want to return to ny from the hamptons. there was something mystical about the water flowing beneath my feet as i sat perched upon the dock with the head of my ten year old resting upon my shoulder. something magical about the feeling of lightness that filled my heart as i rode my bike to our spot wondering what it had in store for us today. when i returned to the city that i loved so much, i found myself retreating, hiding from the noise, the people and the pace. a long weekend in october did not cure my longing for the smell of the sea and then i found myself ill.

shingles, on my face and pain, that was beyond my comprehension. pain that made me think things i have never thought and hope never to think again. there was relief in the form of pills that ultimately made me more sick. post pain, more drugs, a broken toe and a visit to my doctor of 25 years. as i was exiting my doctor's office what to my wondering eyes should appear? it wasn't a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. it was my ex and his girlfriend sitting in the waiting room on the day that i felt and looked like i had been run over by a truck. did i mention that the kitten we adopted had to be hospitalized the morning of this very same day.

i had a choice. i could have felt any one of a million things ie why me, how dare they, i must have done something wrong etc etc etc i decided to laugh and say hello because i chose to be happy. as i rode home in the taxi, i remembered that the magic comes from me, that the wonders of the beach are there because i see them, that my choice determines my experience. happy holidays!!